Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comedy. Show all posts

Thursday, October 5, 2023

Stilettos & Sniper Rifles

 


I’ve been a Maricopa County Sheriff’s deputy for four years. Most folks don’t have a clue about what a cop deals with every day. Like a pack of attack chihuahuas, a monkey with a bad case of diarrhea, a hungry python, a Brahma bull named Bodacious and a six-foot iguana.

 

And that is just the critters. Now let me tell you about the two-legged varmints. Such as a three-hundred-pound biker who got a bit irate when I zapped him with a stun gun, or a murderous nun, and let’s not forget the senior citizens having an orgy. Ugh.

Monday, March 6, 2023

The Highs and Lows of Flatrock

 



Fantasy/Comedy

Date Published: 01-13-2023


“Oops,” said God.

These words were uttered just after the creation of the planet that would be called Flatrock, and from there, things only got worse.

Sunday, March 5, 2023

The Fifth Horseman

 

 

Comedy/Fantasy/Mythical Realism/Fiction

Date Published: 02-07-2023

Publisher: Balkon Media

 

Internationally published bestselling author Jon Smith makes his adult debut with The Fifth Horseman, a modern comic fantasy that rides roughshod over established mythology and the rules of life… and death.

Wednesday, January 18, 2023

Last Chance

 



This post is part of a virtual book tour organized by Goddess Fish Promotions. Darren E. Watling will be awarding a $15 Amazon or B/N GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour. Click on the tour banner to see the other stops on the tour.

The earth's epilogue was a forgone conclusion.

Our World selects seven of the best human beings that man, woman, and other could put their faith in, to ensure human existence, each displaying traits of a master in his/hers/its field.

Thursday, January 12, 2023

Flatrock

 

 

Fantasy/Comedy

Date Published: 01-13-2023

 

“Oops,” said God.

These words were uttered just after the creation of the planet that would be called Flatrock, and from there, things only got worse.

Tuesday, April 6, 2021

Getting to Forever

 

 


KinkLink Series, Book Three

Steamy Romance / Romantic Comedy

Date Published: April 6, 2021



Amanda (Mandy) Gilchrist was just baffled by her colleague. One minute he was her rock and the next he couldn't get away from her fast enough...only to land himself in jail. Her bosses now hate him and wouldn't help him cross the street let alone post bail so it was up to her — except someone got to him first. What the heck was going on?

By now he must realize he needs her help… And it’s going to cost him because this time she’s not going to turn a blind eye. Mandy’s going to make sure David sees her skills as a PI and as a woman too — one he’s got ‘tied up inside and out’.

Because he may not know it yet but they’re both looking for exactly the same thing...

Monday, June 1, 2020

Edger - Audio Book

Comedy, Action/Adventure
This post is part of a virtual book tour organized by Goddess Fish Promotions

David Beem will be awarding a $10 Amazon/BN GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour.  

See below to sign up for the Giveaway.



Meet Edger (Ed-jer), a twenty-six-year-old gadget retail dork destined to become the world’s first superhero! His superpower: the ability to channel the Collective Unconscious, a psychic network connecting the living and the dead. In his arsenal are the skills of Bruce Lee, the strength of Samson, the wisdom of the ages...and the dancing chops of Michael Jackson—including that one twisty foot move, crotch grab, and fedora tilt. But there's a catch... Like every psychic super power to get administered through a hypodermic needle, this one comes with a prick. Someone seems to have misplaced the booster necessary for stabilizing his superpower. Without it, Edger has three days before his brain turns to pudding. Join our Dork of Destiny as he overcomes the world’s greatest butt, two rival Cluck-n-Pray gangs, an evil cow, a Green Bay Defensive Tackle, rifle-toting assassins—and a pair of stoners who inadvertently create the world’s first supervillain after a wild night on Twitter!

My review...

A funny and entertaining story. As usual, David Beem has written as quirky a story as ever. I’m saying “as ever” because I happened to read Books 2 & 3 before Book 1. Maybe I’m as quirky as David Beem. Oops, that didn’t come out right, did it? But if you read or listen to these Edger books, you’ll see what I mean.

This is a story full of superheroes, nerds, plenty of weird characters. Edger is kind of a wild and crazy guy. More like a super smart wild and crazy guy. I couldn’t even believe I’m reading such a crazy story and yet the next pages are about Edger being worried about his Grandma. See? Full of everything. But amongst all of the nuttiness there is a story here. A fun one.

This whole book is as odd as you can imagine. I shouldn’t have used just “funny” before as a description. More like eccentric, zany, nutsy. Definitely worth reading.

But let me tell you something even more fun if that’s possible. David Beem’s oddball character comes to life with the narrator in this audio version. I have a complete picture of this superhero, nerdy, strange guy and it makes the story even better.    

Anyway you enjoy it, whether reading or listening, you’ll have fun. Give it a look or a listen and laugh out loud. 


read an excerpt...
The water is filling.

We’re spinning.

Blondie is rapturing.

Below us, the nightclub turns like a sparkling dream. Worse, Underwearld is wallpapered in phosphorescent art photos of Caleb in his Calvin Kleins.

“Hey Edger—it’s Caleb!” says Mary, banging her shoulder against the side of our disco ball water torture prison and sloshing water. “Caleb! Caleb!”

I roll my eyes. “Of course you know Caleb. Because the universe just couldn’t let me die without letting me know: Hey—Mary knows Caleb.”

“Edger, Caleb’s H.A.R.D.O.N.”

“Hard-on for you, hard-on for Kate—”

“Oh my God, Edger. Not now, okay? High Risk Agency for Regulating the Defense Of the NFL.”

“What!? That doesn’t even make any sense! It should be H-A-R-D-O—wait, somebody capitalized the freaking O—?! You know, my tax dollars paid someone to capitalize that letter O.”

“Really? Really, Edger? You want to do this now?”

“That’s what they always say too: ‘You wanna do this now.’ But notice they never balance the budget. All I’m saying is, you gotta talk about it sometime.”

“Edger! We. Are about. To die.”

So I’m panting, she’s panting, and Caleb’s down there scanning the room in front of a larger than life phosphorescent photograph of his crotch. Because apparently all paths in life lead there.

“Caleb!” Mary yells.

“Caleb!” I yell.

And so there we are, yelling our butts off, banging our shoulders into the wall, water sloshing over our faces—you know, not panicking.

Then the water level reaches our chins.

about David Beem... 

 David Beem loves superhero movies, taekwondo, and flossing. He lives in Djibouti with his family and crippling self-doubt. To help actualize David’s inner confidence, visit his website and buy all the stuff: www.davidbeem.com



The audiobook is coming soon on Amazon. Check out David's Edger books now

Amazon author page: https://www.amazon.com/David-Beem/e/B005M4NEYI/




 






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Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Angels on Overtime

Inspirational, metaphysical, visionary
This post is part of a virtual book tour organized by Goddess Fish Promotions

Ann Crawford will be awarding a $25 Amazon/BN GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour.  

See below to sign up for the Giveaway.




This divine romantic comedy is a multiple award winner in the inspirational category. Humans Jack and Emily seem to be just trudging through the motions of life, to the frustration (lovingly, of course) of their angel teams, especially newbie angels Brooke and David. Angels on Overtime goes deep and high…it’s a great behind-the-scenes glimpse into our lives—and even into the scenes behind those scenes. And who's love story is this, anyway? Laugh your way to enlightenment with this fun, whimsical, captivating tale that reminds us it's never too late to find love and for dreams to come alive.

my review...
While not something I might have picked off the shelf to read from its description, this was a really enjoyable and sweet read. I don’t want to sound like the bah-humbug person that I normally am but I’m not an “angels” person. Nor am I a paranormal nor romance type genre person. However, even though I may not be into angels, this is really a feel-good book worth anyone’s time. I think you have to keep an open mind because it isn’t the sort of thing everyone is into. But what book in which genre is it that you don’t have to keep an open mind?

I said “feel-good” and I meant it. There’s humor, a little back and forth between the angels and the “earthly” beings. A little romance for that matter too.